Robin Williams:
Tommy,
I’ll make this as simple as I can. I love you. That’s my rock bottom. That’s my immutable. My damned and naked soul. I loved you from the moment you were born all red and covered in mucusy stuff until this moment right now.
They say that love is pure and generous – it’s not. It’s small and selfish. You know, I wanted you at the office because I couldn’t imagine anything finer than having you next to me. Altmann, Altmann and Altmann. What a dream. What you wanted, what you dreamed – I didn’t want to hear it. I was wrong. I hope you can forgive me.
I pray for your happiness. Whatever swanning around you want to do, you have my love and my blessing.
I’m sorry this only came clear to me now that I’m dying, but that’s how life rolls out. The only people that don’t look back with regret are idiots and psychopaths. And I got a lifetime of regrets, boy. Takin’ that clerkship in Queens, what a fool not tellin’ my father to fuck off – like the old man would ever love me. Pushin’ your mother away – what a boneless coward I am. And then there’s your brother.
Why, Lord why, I mean what kind of God, what kind of world? It’s a stinkin’ con game. You grow up being told, “Wait for the sweets and the roses.” Then they hit ya with a pick ax in the ear.
Grief –they say ya pass through it. Bull shit! They say, “don’t get angry…oh let it go. It’s killing you.” I say, “FUCK THAT!”
Anger’s the only thing they left me. Anger’s my refuge. It’s my shield.
Anger is my birthright.
