The Answer...

A Bit About Anger - RIP Robin Williams

The Angriest Man in Brooklyn


Robin Williams:

Tommy,

I’ll make this as simple as I can. I love you. That’s my rock bottom. That’s my immutable. My damned and naked soul. I loved you from the moment you were born all red and covered in mucusy stuff until this moment right now.

They say that love is pure and generous – it’s not. It’s small and selfish. You know, I wanted you at the office because I couldn’t imagine anything finer than having you next to me. Altmann, Altmann and Altmann. What a dream. What you wanted, what you dreamed – I didn’t want to hear it. I was wrong. I hope you can forgive me.

I pray for your happiness. Whatever swanning around you want to do, you have my love and my blessing.

I’m sorry this only came clear to me now that I’m dying, but that’s how life rolls out. The only people that don’t look back with regret are idiots and psychopaths. And I got a lifetime of regrets, boy. Takin’ that clerkship in Queens, what a fool not tellin’ my father to fuck off – like the old man would ever love me. Pushin’ your mother away – what a boneless coward I am. And then there’s your brother.

Why, Lord why, I mean what kind of God, what kind of world? It’s a stinkin’ con game. You grow up being told, “Wait for the sweets and the roses.” Then they hit ya with a pick ax in the ear.

Grief –they say ya pass through it. Bull shit! They say, “don’t get angry…oh let it go. It’s killing you.” I say, “FUCK THAT!”

Anger’s the only thing they left me. Anger’s my refuge. It’s my shield.

Anger is my birthright.

Loving Myself

It is my belief that life on this planet revolves around love. Love is the most powerful force that exists. It is responsible for the happiest feelings I have ever experienced as well as the deepest pain I have ever felt. Whether or not I am sharing love with a special man at any given point, however, love can always be felt. Of course, there is love for parents and siblings, friends and pets, and even for shoes and cities. But the most enduring manifestation of love is the love I have for myself.

Having just moved into my very own apartment in New York City and starting my career in real estate, I have been experiencing certain moments in which I feel like I am living in a dream. My life looks and feels like something I had envisioned long ago, and it is hard to believe that it is my reality. From spending long hours at work to hanging out with friends in different places around the city and even time alone in my apartment, I am happy because I am whole.

I have realized that the one constant in all of these very unlike situations that take place during my days is the woman who is generating thoughts and making decisions each and every second. She is smiling, crying, thinking, and laughing; but at all times, she is in love with who she is. Yes, many others love things about her too. And it is her ultimate wish that a man will appear when the timing is right to build an everlasting connection rooted in the deepest core of the heart. Ultimately, however, it is this woman whom I call myself that I must be and stay in love with.

Anna Wintour is Everything

Watch and learn ladies.

Moving On

The summer of 2014 is almost a memory, and as I sit down to reflect on the lessons that I have learned about living in "the real world," I feel complete gratitude for the transformation that I have undergone over the past 10 weeks. It all started after I graduated from college and moved home to rural New Jersey. Living with my family again, working in Florida for several weeks, spending time with my grandparents who are another year closer to the end of their lives, letting go of unhealthy relationships, taking a vacation to the beach in Rhode Island, continuing to spend time at Lake George—all of these experiences have given me opportunities to grow closer to the people I love and to appreciate the beauty in the world that I had forgotten to simply enjoy.

It occurred to me that in order to move on with the life I had into a new life that I love even more, I needed to do a little soul searching. What I found deep down was that I was scared. Fear is a natural part of the emotional realm that humans experience, and without fear, most of us would likely be dead. Fears develop as a defense mechanism to change our behavior, preventing us from doing things that could hurt or kill. Oftentimes, we develop fears of emotions because we have had our feelings hurt in the past and that experience caused us to suffer. I, for example, have been terrified to open my heart and love. This fear of feeling the emotion of love with a man is the result of being emotionally abandoned by my father. My fear of being hurt caused me to build walls around my heart that served as shields to the love that was being given to me and preventing me from openly giving my love.

Ultimately, however, observing my fear and understanding it completely has taken me out of the fear. When I can view it from the outside, it is no longer the force that drives my thoughts and choices. Once I got out of my fear, I started to see how much love I have in me. All I want to do now is share my love and find it in others. This has made me an incredibly happy human.

I have realized that being unattached to everything and letting myself just be present in the current moment is the most freeing sensation I have ever felt. It feels like everything I do, everywhere I go, and everyone with whom I interact is showing me that life is meant to be lived in happiness and love; and fears are just a part of life that arise to protect us. Being scared is not the way to live life, so we must not allow our fears to control us. Instead, we are here on this planet to feel what it is like to be alive. There are so many things to be grateful for in this world, and choosing to fester in fear is merely a habit.

I have decided to quit living by my fears; rather, I want to make loving memories that stay in my heart forever.

I absolutely love the natural world, I am crazy in love with these creatures similar to me called human beings, there are interesting animals sharing their lives on this earth with us, and the most amazing thing is when it all comes together to make beautiful moments in time.

It is time for this gal to stop being scared to sink and to simply hold on to the hope that my purpose on this planet is to find love, beauty, and happiness among all of the fear, pain, and suffering that exists.

Love

The clip above from the show Cougar Town depicts an extraordinary moment full of lessons about love:

Love is spontaneous;
Love is shared;
Love is brave;
Love is certain;
And love can be everywhere.

P.S. The song playing during this scene is called "Lost and Found" by Katie Herzig, and it is a beautiful tune with powerful lyrics. I believe it is about a girl who has lost a man she loved, and she has found God while searching for a way to continue living without the person she lost.

Luke 19:10 "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost."

Quick Inspiration

Read: 

• Gabourey Sidibe’s Wonderful Speech From the Ms. Foundation Gala

and

• The Most Revealing, Honest Moments from Chelsea Handler’s Speech at the Gloria Awards

Watch:

Listen: 

Reflection

When I started this blog two years ago, I was lost and wanted to be found. My life since I had finished high school two years before that had been a whirlwind. From college craziness to heartbreak at home, I felt like I was rushing through life with my head cut off from my body.  Fear, stress, and hormones drove every decision and creation I could control, from who I would spend time with to what I would wear and eat each day.

Now as I approach my graduation from college, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the past: the decisions I have made, the people who I have held onto and let go of, and the girl who continues to control each an every thought and movement. In these last four years, I have experienced the happiest and most loving moments thus far in my life as well as the deepest sadness I never even imagined was possible to feel. As I reflect on this period of my life, the only way I can describe it is like an emotional cyclone. After countless hours spent talking to friends, family, my trusted sound healer, and most importantly, my self, I have come to realize the reason I had to go through all of the high and low spikes—what I have learned is that life is an everlasting sea of waves, and the only way to keep from crashing is to remain anchored to love.

I have drifted and crashed more times than I can even remember, and each time I do something regretful, I try to mend the brokenness that caused me to drift from my mooring. My rope has a lot of knots in it, and I want to replace this line with something strong that will keep me tied to the woman I have created to live in this next part of my life.

The old me who started this blog would be asking a million questions right about now to try to find the way back to my tiny little anchor when I am seemingly lost at sea. Will I ever find my old anchor? Where can I go to get a new one? Who should I pay to make a better rope for me? And if my rope breaks again, can I be happy if I tie up to someone else who is anchored ? Or, can we be happy just drifting around the world together in these final days of our lives? Though I still cannot answer these questions with absolute confidence, I am certain about one thing: hope is the anchor of the soul, and it will always remain grounded in the goodness of the Earth.

The line we each attach to our anchors is really just a temporary fixation that keeps us attached to safety. No matter how strong you think your rope is, there will always be storms that come along and wither it away. Having faith in God's love, however, is a permanent anchor that does not even physically exist. The line is made of faith, and this line of faith is what I have ultimately found will keep me attached to a secure and enduring love that is sure to save me from anything.

Regardless of who enters or leaves my physical life, I will always rest assured that God has a plan for my vessel. And sometimes, breaking my rope is His way of giving me freedom from an anchor that was holding me back from encountering a better place. From this boat, I can try to make sure that my knot is tied strong and my line is unbroken, but when I look down to see my anchor, all I will see is my reflection. So the best thing to do is to trust in the system, and focus on being happy with the person you see on the water.

Digital Beauty

It is important to be aware of and to remember that the beautiful images we see of women in advertisements and magazines are just images.  They are not reflections of reality, and therefore, we must not believe that we should look like that in order to be beautiful.  If you want to look like these women in the pictures, simply hire a photo editor to adjust your own images.  However, never forget that nobody looks like this in real life.  You are the most beautiful creatures in the world.

Makeup Magic

This article explains how to use contouring and highlighting so your makeup will better accentuate the features of your face.  It shouldn't add any time to your routine, it simply retrains you on the proper places to apply.  Stay glamourous!

Makeup Tutorial: How to Contour Your Face