Commitment

Sometimes I think that committing to a decision is hard.  But really, the difficulty of a decision depends on the amount of change the decision will generate in my life.  Picking out what to order as an entree at dinner will affect how I feel for the next few hours and can make a difference in my weight if I indulge a little too much (or too little).  These are things that are important to me, but I make these decisions daily and have gotten pretty good at knowing which ones make me feel good and which I feel less confident about or regret afterwards.

Then, there are decisions like what to get tattooed onto my body.  This decision will be with me for the rest of my life and is public for anyone who notices to recognize and judge.  With such a big decision comes fear that in 50 years, I will not feel the love that I feel for it in this moment.  There is also fear that people I love will love me less because of it.  In the end, though, this is a choice that I made and must live with.  Because I love it, the people who truly love me will love that it makes me happy.  I must be secure in my relationships to trust the opinions of the people I love and to care what they think but I also must be secure enough with myself to ensure that nobody can change the way I feel about something that only affects my life and body.

Another commitment that can be scary is a romantic one in which love and official "titles" are involved.  Heartbreak and betrayal are the worst feelings I have ever experienced and both of these are possible outcomes of committing to love another person.  I know that I can always leave this person if I become unhappy, but it is scary to be vulnerable to them, for they have the ability to break my heart if I am happy and they leave me or find someone else to be happier with.  Every relationship, even those that are contracted in marriage, can be hurtful, but this pain is something I am willing to risk if it means I can be happy at the current time.  Having learned to be happy by myself gives me the comfort that I can be happy with someone but will also be able to remain happy without them if either one of us chooses to end the relationship.

It is always better to share happiness and have someone share theirs with me.  Therefore, I am committing to being open to commitment.  I do not want to rush into a commitment nor do I want to force one that doesn't feel right; but I also do not want to turn down an opportunity that could lead to something amazing.  Other than a tattoo, every thing else in life should be decided based on what feels right in the moment.  If my favorite food sounds terrible one day, I don't have to eat it just because I already made a commitment that I love that food.  If a relationship becomes stale or causes frustration and stress, I can try to fix it; but I must be willing to go back to being happy on my own if the other person in the relationship does not put in the same effort as I do.  At the same time, though, I must have faith in every decision I make and hope for the best in every relationship I form.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." ~Hebrews 6:19