When I started this blog two years ago, I was lost and wanted to be found. My life since I had finished high school two years before that had been a whirlwind. From college craziness to heartbreak at home, I felt like I was rushing through life with my head cut off from my body. Fear, stress, and hormones drove every decision and creation I could control, from who I would spend time with to what I would wear and eat each day.
Now as I approach my graduation from college, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the past: the decisions I have made, the people who I have held onto and let go of, and the girl who continues to control each an every thought and movement. In these last four years, I have experienced the happiest and most loving moments thus far in my life as well as the deepest sadness I never even imagined was possible to feel. As I reflect on this period of my life, the only way I can describe it is like an emotional cyclone. After countless hours spent talking to friends, family, my trusted sound healer, and most importantly, my self, I have come to realize the reason I had to go through all of the high and low spikes—what I have learned is that life is an everlasting sea of waves, and the only way to keep from crashing is to remain anchored to love.
I have drifted and crashed more times than I can even remember, and each time I do something regretful, I try to mend the brokenness that caused me to drift from my mooring. My rope has a lot of knots in it, and I want to replace this line with something strong that will keep me tied to the woman I have created to live in this next part of my life.
The old me who started this blog would be asking a million questions right about now to try to find the way back to my tiny little anchor when I am seemingly lost at sea. Will I ever find my old anchor? Where can I go to get a new one? Who should I pay to make a better rope for me? And if my rope breaks again, can I be happy if I tie up to someone else who is anchored ? Or, can we be happy just drifting around the world together in these final days of our lives? Though I still cannot answer these questions with absolute confidence, I am certain about one thing: hope is the anchor of the soul, and it will always remain grounded in the goodness of the Earth.
The line we each attach to our anchors is really just a temporary fixation that keeps us attached to safety. No matter how strong you think your rope is, there will always be storms that come along and wither it away. Having faith in God's love, however, is a permanent anchor that does not even physically exist. The line is made of faith, and this line of faith is what I have ultimately found will keep me attached to a secure and enduring love that is sure to save me from anything.
Regardless of who enters or leaves my physical life, I will always rest assured that God has a plan for my vessel. And sometimes, breaking my rope is His way of giving me freedom from an anchor that was holding me back from encountering a better place. From this boat, I can try to make sure that my knot is tied strong and my line is unbroken, but when I look down to see my anchor, all I will see is my reflection. So the best thing to do is to trust in the system, and focus on being happy with the person you see on the water.
