The summer of 2014 is almost a memory, and as I sit down to reflect on the lessons that I have learned about living in "the real world," I feel complete gratitude for the transformation that I have undergone over the past 10 weeks. It all started after I graduated from college and moved home to rural New Jersey. Living with my family again, working in Florida for several weeks, spending time with my grandparents who are another year closer to the end of their lives, letting go of unhealthy relationships, taking a vacation to the beach in Rhode Island, continuing to spend time at Lake George—all of these experiences have given me opportunities to grow closer to the people I love and to appreciate the beauty in the world that I had forgotten to simply enjoy.
It occurred to me that in order to move on with the life I had into a new life that I love even more, I needed to do a little soul searching. What I found deep down was that I was scared. Fear is a natural part of the emotional realm that humans experience, and without fear, most of us would likely be dead. Fears develop as a defense mechanism to change our behavior, preventing us from doing things that could hurt or kill. Oftentimes, we develop fears of emotions because we have had our feelings hurt in the past and that experience caused us to suffer. I, for example, have been terrified to open my heart and love. This fear of feeling the emotion of love with a man is the result of being emotionally abandoned by my father. My fear of being hurt caused me to build walls around my heart that served as shields to the love that was being given to me and preventing me from openly giving my love.
Ultimately, however, observing my fear and understanding it completely has taken me out of the fear. When I can view it from the outside, it is no longer the force that drives my thoughts and choices. Once I got out of my fear, I started to see how much love I have in me. All I want to do now is share my love and find it in others. This has made me an incredibly happy human.
I have realized that being unattached to everything and letting myself just be present in the current moment is the most freeing sensation I have ever felt. It feels like everything I do, everywhere I go, and everyone with whom I interact is showing me that life is meant to be lived in happiness and love; and fears are just a part of life that arise to protect us. Being scared is not the way to live life, so we must not allow our fears to control us. Instead, we are here on this planet to feel what it is like to be alive. There are so many things to be grateful for in this world, and choosing to fester in fear is merely a habit.
I have decided to quit living by my fears; rather, I want to make loving memories that stay in my heart forever.
I absolutely love the natural world, I am crazy in love with these creatures similar to me called human beings, there are interesting animals sharing their lives on this earth with us, and the most amazing thing is when it all comes together to make beautiful moments in time.
It is time for this gal to stop being scared to sink and to simply hold on to the hope that my purpose on this planet is to find love, beauty, and happiness among all of the fear, pain, and suffering that exists.
