Breathe in, Breathe out

When my emotions get really heavy on my heart, it aches.  My eyes burst with tears and I breathe out heavily as I release my sobs and wail like a baby.  Instinctively, I breathe in again, but my heart shakes until air reaches the deepest core of my chest.  The process repeats itself until some internal force of hope tells my mind to pull my body off of the ground and look for something good, even if I must look into a mirror and stare at my eyes to see that there is goodness in the present and happiness in the future, regardless of the misery in the past that caused such a breakdown.

When I think about life as a physical experience during a very emotional moment, I realize that emotions are as natural to life as the respiratory, urinary, and digestive systems are for the body.  It is essential to listen to my body tell me what to do each and every second of the present: when to eat, when to sleep, and when to use the restroom.  However, all of these things are simple behaviors that all animals must learn in order to survive.  Humans learn best when our emotions are involved, which we are taught about as kids but do not actually learn until we experience them for ourselves.  Emotions analyze experiences from the past and determine which behaviors should be repeated based on the ones that brought about the most pleasurable outcomes.  For example, after a certain age, a kid will be made fun of and feel embarrassed if she cannot control her bladder.  Her emotional pain will teach her to change her physical behavior and hold her bladder until she can find a restroom.  Similarly, a child who receives praise from his teachers and parents on a well-done project will link positive emotions to working hard and, therefore, will likely strive to succeed in an effort to bring more pleasurable feelings into his life.  Essentially, our emotions are what teach us to survive and lead us to the things we accomplish.  So, this phenomenon referred to as life is really a mixture of the body combining with the emotions to make humans physical beings of mental creation.

Just as the body is free to breath whenever it wants, I try to be honest with my emotions because that is part of letting my spirit be free.  I love going to the edge of my emotional capacity where my mind's eye can clearly see what I am feeling and what is causing me to have these feelings.  I also have to let myself dig for things that my mind has been suppressing in order to release my entire spirit.  It is in these "emotional places" of truth and freedom that I am vulnerable—things I may not have ever thought stand out and I understand the experiences in my life.  From these findings, I create ways to make changes in my life, fix problems, and produce amazing work.

The truth about life is that there is always good and there is always bad, but they are all just part of life.  As John Mayer puts it, "You're going to have at least one moment a week where you don't feel right.  But maybe it won't feel so wrong if you know it's supposed to happen."  Sometimes one extreme seems more abundant and one seems absent.  In these emotionally heavy times, I take a moment to forget about all emotion and just focus on the bodies version of the present, which is the breath.  I can change my emotional perspective from negative to positive, renew my hope, and move my attention towards the positive pieces that make up the whole, leaving the negative pieces untouched and unnoticed, like the last slices of pie after a filling Thanksgiving dinner.

Just smile and breathe...everything is going to be alright.

Poem Inspired by Adam Sandler as Mr. Deeds

A Lesson in Measuring Worth

“Work is just a challenge,” the old man says excitedly.  And business is a pleasure.
When stocks plunge, don’t worry, because numbers only measure the height of peaks
and the length of journeys that have begun.  They inform the miles flown,
the recipes perfected, and the dates that matter.  Sizes change, prices go up, but
the most treasured matter is a life of ease.

Assumed is the promise between friends that we will always return to each other. 
We tried to plan our lives, but somebody always changes it.  I’m pretty sure
I’m not fucking it up; surprise keeps it interesting though.  Growth
in a bank account can change a man for a season, but he goes back

because Crazy Eyes and Murph miss him.  Legacy is a fossil
in the hearts we’ve changed.

Everyone has traditions, a place they are part of, faces they recognize, and ways of life
that feel comfortable.  Language differs among kinds…banter always goes—
as does praise when deserved.  Loyalty is assumed and love makes it easier. 
Energy moves us through time.  Breaking into a song that’s rolling through my head
and out my lips…everyone joins in.  

Looks on a face judge the situation more clearly than words.  People cannot lie
in numbers, just as logic, when pointed out, cannot be denied.  Arrangements depend
on attitudes, so remember how he first treated you and he will come back nicer.  
We only look for something when we want it—sometimes it is found
without trying, just listen to strangers.

The doctor will know what the lawyer won’t, but they can both save me
like a kiss after a rough day.  Which came first: the spy or the target?  I want
a respected man to be honest and help make sense of the puzzle—
putting together the present and the past to find the next piece.  Read the signs
and respond.  The heart will always lead to what we want.

The best things are shared and the best insults are true.  But truth exposed humiliates
the liars.  Suckers get pissed and the desperate become dangerous.  The real ones know
the ways.  Feelings and knowledge start and end each day—what continues
in dream worlds are impressions of the focal thoughts that clog and explode
in my mind; I only remember the good ones.

Love is forgiving of all that was, accepting of all that is, and hopeful for everything
that will be.  We know it when our beauty is free, our friendship is generous,
and our failures are funny.  Compete with cars to measure success and use karats
to quantify bliss. But pearls don’t protect and money can’t make us strong, so rely
on a wealth of love when evaluating this life. 

The Taste of Love

Taste is the feeling I get when one of my senses experiences awareness of this physical environment of which I am a part.  There are several types of taste, including food in my mouth, the taste of sound waves against my ear drums, or the glass iPhone screen that my thumbs taste.  People taste my body language and eyes taste everything, sensing each other better than anything else.  One sense of taste that I often tend to forget to pay attention to is the kind of thoughts that I make.  Although many people refuse to believe in a sixth sense and think they can only recognize or control the five original senses they learned in school, it is true that I actually create the thoughts that go through my mind, just as I choose the flavors that go into my mouth.

I often forget or confuse the taste of thoughts, however, because it is easy to experience it as an emotion or mood that I think I do not control.  I must actually use my mind to make every thought I taste.  It sounds daunting at first, but then I realized that I could use this power to control the experience I have of my life.  Just as the other senses in my body help me filter tastes and smells so I can make the enjoyable ones more abundant and avoid the unhappy ones, I can use my emotions to help my mind filter thoughts.  Essentially, I can feel amazing at anytime just by thinking of a good thought, but it is just as easy to get stuck in a cycle of producing bad thoughts and make my experience of life absolutely miserable.

While it is true that I make thoughts myself, most of the time, my mind is not conscious of the creation of them because I am more focused on my bodily sensations.  When I think of life as the making of an artistic work, however, I become very conscious of my mental taste.  I aim to please the sense of imagination just as a chef aims to please taste buds.  I know the types of sights I like, the sounds I like to hear, the touch that feels good, and the types of energy by which I like to be surrounded.  One day, that energy could be loud bass, live DJs and a crowd of 30,000 while, on others, it could be the energy of just me in my apartment with the things, music, and people with whom I prefer to interact.  So, while my physical tastes can have a profound impact on how my body feels, my mental tastes determine my emotional health.  Just as I choose to put healthy food into my body and exercise routinely in order to keep my body functioning properly, I must choose thoughts that keep my soul living happily.

The world has survived because of the love living beings create and live in with themselves and others.  It is essential to be aware that this love must be shared in order to keep the world going into the future.  Until I fully understood this, my misconceptions of love had the to ability to (and did) hurt me, for I did not know exactly what I was looking for.  I even tried to force love with someone who seemed like the definition of the person I could love.  Even after I met my love, it was not until I believed that it could exist in me without the presence of the person I felt it for.  I realized that I would not be able to forge love with anyone, and I would know the real thing when it came.  Now I know what it is to love and be loved.  It is having the taste of love in my mind and letting this taste pick up on the love of others.  I can try to explain what it is I love about another, but the best way is just to say that my sense of love matches theirs.  Our loves recognize each other and our souls want to be mates.

It is important to always keep the taste of love in my heart and also in my mind so that I will recognize real love when it is shared with me and others will always be able to taste the love I share with them.

Covering the Classics

Every time I hear this collaboration, I get goosebumps covering my body, tears in my eyes, and that want-to-dance spirit running through my veins.  I have so much respect for Aretha Franklin, her melodies, and her lyrics but Christina Aguilera, who sings the opening solo in this tribute to Aretha Franklin at the 2011 Grammy Awards, really makes this one with her incredible voice and spirit.  Please enjoy the talent of these women and come back to this anytime you need a little pick-me-up.

Here is another Christina Aguilera cover.  This time she sings James Brown's classic "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World" at the 2007 Grammy Awards.  I absolutely love her rendition and especially what she does right after the 2:00 mark.  Everything about this performance is killer!

Desserts for 1

I live with a roommate but I cook for just myself.  When I am in the mood for something to top off my meal, I often crave something sugary.  But I struggle if there is an entire pan of brownies laying on the counter or a full recipe of cookie dough in the fridge.  I recently have been using these recipes for Coffee Cake and Chocolate Chip Cookie for 1 because they are not only quick and easy to make, but they require just a few ingredients and are the perfect amount for a sweet treat.  Once I've finished, I am not tempted to cut off one more slice because there isn't one!  These are perfect for people like me who struggle with limiting portions and who only crave dessert here and there.  I have tried both of these recipes several times and find them both to be super delicious.

Enjoy!

Coffee Cake in a Mug 

Ingredients

• 1 Tbsp butter
• 2 Tbsp sugar
• 2 Tbsp applesauce
• 3 drops vanilla extract
• 1/4 Cup all purpose flour
• 1/8 tsp baking powder
• Pinch of salt
• 1 Tbsp butter
• 2 Tbsp flour
• 1 Tbsp brown sugar
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon

Instructions

1. In a mug soften 1 tbsp of butter in microwave, about 5 seconds. You don’t want it melted, just soft. Stir in 2 tbsp of sugar and mix until well incorporated. Stir in applesauce, vanilla (just a tiny bit, we’re talking drops), flour, baking powder, and pinch of salt; stirring until just combined. Use the back of your spoon to smooth it out in the bottom of the mug.
2. Want struesel? Of course you do! In a separate, small bowl, combine 1 tbsp of butter, 2 tbsp of flour, 1 tbsp of brown sugar, and 1/4 tsp cinnamon. Use your fingers to to pinch the butter and mix it in with the other ingredients. When it starts to look like lumpy sand (appetizing, eh?) and all ingredients are combined, pour on top of cake batter in mug.
3. Cook in the microwave for 50-80 seconds depending on your microwave. At 1 minute, my microwave cooks it perfectly. It will look just barely set on top. You don’t want to overcook it and things tend to get ugly fast in the microwave. I suggest cooking it 50 seconds, and then in 10 second intervals checking after each interval until done. Eat white it’s still warm. Once it cools off, it tends to loose some of it’s magic!

created by Heather Likes Food

http://www.heatherlikesfood.com/2-minute-coffee-cake-in-a-mug/

Chocolate Chip Cookie in a Cup

Ingredients

• 1 Tbsp butter
• 1 Tbsp granulated white sugar
• 1 Tbsp firmly packed dark brown sugar
• 3 drops vanilla extract
• Pinch of Kosher salt
• 1 egg yolk (discard egg white)
• 1/4 Cup all purpose flour
• 2 Tbsp of semi sweet chocolate chips

Instructions 

Start by melting your butter in the microwave. Add sugars, vanilla and salt. Stir to combine. Separate your egg and add the yolk only to your cup. Stir to combine. Add flour, then stir again. Add the chocolate chips, and give a final stir. Cook in microwave 40-60 seconds, start checking for doneness at 40 seconds. Mine takes 50 seconds.  Serve warm.

created by Melissa at No. 2 Pencil  
http://www.number-2-pencil.com/2012/03/chocolate-chip-cookie-in-cup.html

Love Interests

I am currently without a committed romantic relationship and there are many guys out there who I consider as a possible future partner.  There are many things that attract me to these men and once I have showed interest in one or solidified a connection with him by sharing my phone number or making a date, for example, it is hard to get the special someone off of my mind.  It can be very frustrating when the reality does not live up to my expectations and it is challenging to keep faith in the original chemistry I felt when things seem to be moving slow.

I am old-fashioned in that I believe it is a man's job to make the first couple of dates.  I believe a true gentleman should ask the woman he is interested in to dinner, follow up with the plan to ensure it takes place, and treat his lady for the night.  When something in this pattern falls out of line or it does not happen on the timeline that I expect (within a week or two), I immediately assume I did something wrong to turn him away.  It is important, however, to remain secure with my actions and trust that he felt like he could not live up to my standards or he really just does not know how to treat a lady and, in that case, does not live up to my standards.  In both of these cases, I must choose to either let him go or to give up my expectations and make something happen in my own way,  like by asking him to go to dinner instead of waiting for him to take the initiative.  Simply having trust in myself and my standards, however, will ensure that the right one finds me and shows that he wants to keep me.

There are always more great available guys looking for great available gals.  People who are in love always say "when the right one comes along, you just know".  Thus, if a love interest does not feel right, it probably isn't.  It is best to let it go as soon as possible and move on, for it is more likely that I will find the right guy if I am open to a new love rather than if I am down because I am so focused on what an old one didn't like about me.

"Look Into My Eyes"

I love the beat of this song but the lyrics are so powerful, as well.  It's a great reminder of one of the simplest things you can do and how much it can tell you about somebody or even yourself.  "Eyes are the windows to the soul" so look into them deeply and as often as you can.  You will see what is going on inside of yourself, your friends, and the one you love the most by reading eyes.  See the change when you discuss a subject, do something without words, or just think intimately.  They react subconsciously and do not lie.  Therefore, always be sure to tell the truth and go about life with a kind soul so that others will see this when they look into your eyes.

Commitment

Sometimes I think that committing to a decision is hard.  But really, the difficulty of a decision depends on the amount of change the decision will generate in my life.  Picking out what to order as an entree at dinner will affect how I feel for the next few hours and can make a difference in my weight if I indulge a little too much (or too little).  These are things that are important to me, but I make these decisions daily and have gotten pretty good at knowing which ones make me feel good and which I feel less confident about or regret afterwards.

Then, there are decisions like what to get tattooed onto my body.  This decision will be with me for the rest of my life and is public for anyone who notices to recognize and judge.  With such a big decision comes fear that in 50 years, I will not feel the love that I feel for it in this moment.  There is also fear that people I love will love me less because of it.  In the end, though, this is a choice that I made and must live with.  Because I love it, the people who truly love me will love that it makes me happy.  I must be secure in my relationships to trust the opinions of the people I love and to care what they think but I also must be secure enough with myself to ensure that nobody can change the way I feel about something that only affects my life and body.

Another commitment that can be scary is a romantic one in which love and official "titles" are involved.  Heartbreak and betrayal are the worst feelings I have ever experienced and both of these are possible outcomes of committing to love another person.  I know that I can always leave this person if I become unhappy, but it is scary to be vulnerable to them, for they have the ability to break my heart if I am happy and they leave me or find someone else to be happier with.  Every relationship, even those that are contracted in marriage, can be hurtful, but this pain is something I am willing to risk if it means I can be happy at the current time.  Having learned to be happy by myself gives me the comfort that I can be happy with someone but will also be able to remain happy without them if either one of us chooses to end the relationship.

It is always better to share happiness and have someone share theirs with me.  Therefore, I am committing to being open to commitment.  I do not want to rush into a commitment nor do I want to force one that doesn't feel right; but I also do not want to turn down an opportunity that could lead to something amazing.  Other than a tattoo, every thing else in life should be decided based on what feels right in the moment.  If my favorite food sounds terrible one day, I don't have to eat it just because I already made a commitment that I love that food.  If a relationship becomes stale or causes frustration and stress, I can try to fix it; but I must be willing to go back to being happy on my own if the other person in the relationship does not put in the same effort as I do.  At the same time, though, I must have faith in every decision I make and hope for the best in every relationship I form.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." ~Hebrews 6:19

HOW TO: Be Happy

Bringing happiness into my heart starts in my eyes, moves down my cheeks, and shows itself by my smile.  When I envision things, people, words, and moments that I love, my heart tingles and my eyes light up and force my cheeks to push out.  I can't get this feeling thinking about anything negative, annoying, weird, or stupid.  I really only feel this way when I am living out a dream or goal and being aware of myself in the moment.  It makes me feel good to share these things.  I can express myself through the things I do and the words I write, but I can also express myself through my features and the way I hold myself.  The way I carry my head, the way my hips sway, and the straightness of my posture affect the way I feel and the way the world understands my feelings.

Love is strong and the reason for keeping everything in alignment is to feel good so the world will know it and will let me feel their love, in return.  The point of being happy is to attract people who are also happy, and together, we can be happier than either one of us could be by ourselves.  It is such an exciting feeling that I never want to go away, but if it does slip out of my consciousness for a time, I know the way to get it back is to focus on what makes me feel the best.  Putting good food into my body, stretching and getting the sore areas massaged away, and surrounding myself with people that respect me and my values are so important, regardless of where I am and what I look like.  As long as my body and relationships are strong and healthy, there is beauty shining from the inside out.  Anyone who wants to look can see it in plain view.  My goal is to show my happiness to everyone and the ones who are happy will stick with me and the ones who want to be happy will seek me.  Those who are not and do not want or try to be happy are people who I do not wish to be around and they will be the ones who are turned off and annoyed by my happiness.  I will not change for them just as I do not expect them to change for me.  Everything that happens to us is created internally.  The best thing to do is to focus on creating happy everything—moments, people, situations, etc. and then once found, keep them going.

Best of luck :)

Patience

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

As much as I wish I could develop a dream and watch it happen instantaneously, waiting for my dreams to be made real is what life is all about.  Keeping on the track that will lead me toward my dreams is the most difficult part, but it is all worth it when something magical happens.  Sometimes, it feels easier to just give up and move on to something else, but being patient is what ultimately brings the best feelings.  The most exciting dream I have is to fall and stay in love.  But even the bible says, "Love is patient" (1 Corinthians 13:4).  I do not want to rush the plan God has for me and the vision I have for myself.  I am living happily in a dream that I had in the past, so as long as I know my desires and I have begun to put them into action, I must just sit back and wait.  In the meantime, I must keep living the dream I have made for myself and have faith that my wishes for the future will come true when the time is right.  The best way, I find, to forget about what isn't happening is to focus on what is.  So get busy and keep dreaming!